you're the president of your own life, who is in your cabinet? 😎

a proud escapee of the sunk cost fallacy

The first person I didn't lie to about my wedding was my orthodontist.

He was very interested to hear all about it because for nearly 4 years we had been working on my smile for the big day.

"Was it the best day of your life?" he excitedly asked, hand in my mouth.

"Ahhhuuum...ahht eeeally," I said, not being able to use my lips. Translation: "Um, not really."

He stopped and backed up his swivel chair to see my whole face.

"Not really?" he repeated.

Oh god. I just told the artist his masterpiece was basically worthless. His sadness was palpable but for the first time in weeks the lump in my throat was gone.

Up until that moment I had been giving an academy award performance when asked about the wedding. Second only to my performance as best supporting actress on the actual day.

"To be honest, it was so stressful. But the second half of the day was good. So not a total loss!" Good recovery, I thought.

The words he said next were: "Well you looked beautiful" but his eyes said "holy shit."

Even though I was still masking 80% of my real feelings, that 20% truth felt like an oxygen hit. The wedding was actually one of the worst days of my life and I finally admitted that.

It was like I was gasping for air and someone finally cracked a window.

Nine months later I was a divorced digital-nomad. A proud escapee of the sunk cost fallacy.

Although leaving that relationship was a horrific experience, the next time my intuition screamed "LEAVE" I didn't wait ten years to make a move.

Humans are loss-averse. Because of course we are! Have you ever lost someone you loved? A dog? Your identity? Your stability? Your favorite blue sweater?! Grief can get you down bad. So why would you voluntarily go through that again?

But what if I told you there's a well-kept secret to surviving and thriving through scary change? (like a divorce, layoff, or the Paleo diet)

People.

That's the secret. Having and knowing good people.

When I left my ex-husband I didn't have a plan. But I had a best friend, great coach and a manager who loved me like her own daughter.

When I left corporate, I didn't have 100k followers or 100k in the bank. But I had an adoring boyfriend. And an entire community cheering me on.

Here's my 3-part challenge for you.

1) Make a list of your people and give them titles. Who is there when you're down bad? Who knows about 401k planning? Who is the ideas person? Example:

Deborah: spirit guide mama, Chief of Divine Guidance
Kevin: partner, Chief of Revelations (and of Really Great Ramen)
Alexandra: ride-or-die, Chief of Staff (and Gilmore Girl Quotes)

2) Write down your open roles! What kind of inspiration, support, knowledge or empowerment are you missing from the people in your life rn?

A fun way to do this exercise is to pretend you're the President and you need to fill your cabinet. Who is the Leo McGarry to your Jed Barlet?

3) Call. Them. In. Literally say out loud: I invite aligned souls into my world to help me with my hopes, dreams, desires.

Now watch the Universe rearrange in your favor. When your heart is ready, the path reveals itself to you one person, and one lily pad at a time.

Let me know what happens!

Rooting you on always ☀️

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